A Funny....

[Painted Lady]

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A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath (w00t)

 

[trac]

(w00t) :lol: :lol:

 

[Painted Lady]

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on

a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have

had something in his hand."

"Aye, that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord, didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it

was, but not much use in a fight!" (w00t)

 

[Painted Lady]

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,

he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie."

Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty, except for himself and the

bartender at the end of the bar.

A few sips later, the voice said, "Beautiful shirt."

At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind,"

he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and

there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.

"Say what?" replied the man in disbelief.

"You heard me," said the barkeep. "It's the peanuts... they're complimentary." (w00t)

 

[kris]

(w00t) :lol: :thumbsup:

 

[Painted Lady]

guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

"What size?" asks the clerk?

"Gee, I don't know."

"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the

crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and

leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.

Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,

and leaves.

A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.

"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't

know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him

and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"

 

[Painted Lady]

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.

When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your

husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.

When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going

to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.

When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.

When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.

When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"

When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.

When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me

alone???"

When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no

reason.

When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old

together.

When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."

When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.

When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage

area.

When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."

When you are married ....He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.

When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.

When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.

When you are dating..... He calls you by name.

When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to

others as "She."

 

[BlueNoise]

(w00t) (w00t) (w00t) (w00t) (w00t)

 

[hely]

oh must be in the wrong thread.............sure it said "a funny"..........nowt funny in here :- "

 

[Painted Lady]

hey hely...

 

[hely]

 

[Painted Lady]

really helen...you are so immature arent you....

 

[hely]